I Felt Infinite

There's a reason why The Perks of Being a Wallflower was a best-selling book. A lot of people can relate to it. It's a coming-of-age novel about a boy who just watched in the sidelines, didn't try to participate, and literally just went with the flow. This had me thinking about my life, and the things I miss out on.

Multiply is shutting down and I really feel the pressure to get my old photos back from there. I looked through it once and I saw mostly High School and early college stuff. I now realize how much everything has changed. Shit went down. Awesome things happened. And moments turned into unforgettable memories. As much as I want to say that I don't regret anything, I do regret a lot of things. Maybe if I said this at that moment, this would have happened. Or if I have done this, instead of that, I wouldn't seem crazy. It makes me really sad whenever I think about that stuff, but no matter what I do I can't change the past. I can only move forward to the future and give a big FU to all the bad memories.

Right now I could have a future. I'm being a pakipot freak who is too scared to make another move because for all I know, I'm just going to fall back into a big black hole again. I know I shouldn't be afraid, but I am. But I have to do it.

There is one more thing I have to do before I can actually move on to better things. Some people call it closure, I call it acceptance. I can't hate on anything forever, it's not fair. Instead of avoiding the problem like the plague, I should face it head on, and say "Thanks, because I wouldn't be where I am now without you". Ew. This sounds so senti and gross. But, yeah. I'm in an emotional state right now.

The end. I'm gonna go watch Modern Family now to make myself feel better.